The Conversation

After the deadline-hell-stress-week had finished I knew Arlo and I had to sit down and have a conversation about what being non-binary meant for them, and also what non-binary meant for us as a couple.

It was a difficult conversation to have, it required both of us being completely and painfully honest about our feelings. So we talked more in depth about names, hair cuts, pronouns, identity, and top surgery.

Arlo explained to me that the purpose of their transition was not for anyone else but themselves, they weren’t overly fussed about pronouns, labels, and identity but they needed to have short hair and top surgery. It was incredibly important that they were able to look in the mirror and see themselves.

I explained that I was ridiculously scared. I expressed my fear that I would not recognise them as the person I had been in a relationship with for the previous three years. Arlo would be able to recognise themselves, but what if I didn’t recognise them? Also I identified as a lesbian, I didn’t find masculinity attractive and I was scared Arlo’s more masculine presentation would threaten my attraction to them.

Despite this I reassured Arlo – whilst crying, obviously – that even if their transition resulted in the breakdown of our relationship, they needed to do it. I desperately wanted them to be happy within themselves, and if that was without me then so be it.

It was a conversation that ultimately had to end with “I don’t know if our relationship will remain intact throughout this, but I hope it does.”